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BDSM Contracts and Collars-S01E49
3 days ago
Recorded: July 22, 2018 / Published: August 12, 2018
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On this episode of the Krypt we are going to explore contracts and collars but before that happens, we need talk about a few new interesting places to find our show, hit those three rules to love by and most importantly, I have to welcome the co-hostest with the mostest, Funsize.
Kuldrin’s Weekend Intensive September 14-16, 2018 https://kuldrinskrypt.com/kwi
Interesting places to find us: iHeartRadio, Spotify, Blubry on Roku, and smart speakers.
Rules to Love by:
Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
“Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
Definition of a BDSM Contract
A non-legally binding but useful tool in negotiations, there to assist with guiding the relationship preferences, limits, interest, and goals. They are also extremely helpful for later check-ins.
What a contract means really.
A contract, as we've discussed before, is not legally binding in most cases. So having one doesn't mean you're having to do something. Instead, it is a document that outlines boundaries, preferences, and can/should be gone back to during check-ins.
Basically, contracts are the written drafts of the negotiation process, only cleaned up and finalized.
Many times when writing a contract you find yourself negotiating the level of the relationship, hard and soft limits, a timeline for check-ins, and any goals you might have. All of these and more will end up being in the final contract.
Why they matter.
They matter not in the legal sense but in the way that they are a tool. Creating the right tool can help with maintenance, fixing any glitches, or simply give you a peace of mind.
Definition of a BDSM Collars
A BDSM collar is another tool which can help distinguish the level of the relationship and can also be an accessory for getting into headspace.
A consideration collar marks the commitment of a relationship that has negotiated their dynamic, however, they are still considering the relationship. It's the difference between dating and being married.
Interestingly to me, I've heard this collar being compared to engagement because the commitment is there but the relationship can still end. Personally, I think a dating relationship is more accurate as your sure you want to be with that person for a time but whether or not you go any further is still up for consideration.
These are collars which denote that a submissive is under the protection of a dominant. Though occasionally a dominant may also come under the protection of another. I've seen this during periods of discord in a community, and in times where a predatory bottom has surfaced.
These are collars typically worn when the bottom is in a training phase of the relationship. They indicate the purpose of learning a specific aspect, the interplay of that relationship, or for a specific relationship dynamic between mentor/trainer and student.
These are collars worn just for the duration of a scene. Often they are significant to assisting with slipping into headspace, not only to the sub, but to the Dom as well.
To quote Meronym’s wonderful article he posted on Fetlife.com on collars, (and of course there’s a link in the show notes at https://kuldrinskrypt.com/149 ) “It’s an agreement between the person wearing it and the holder of the collar, but only for so long as they are wearing it. When it comes off, that agreement is done.”
Meronym’s Fetlife.com article: https://fetlife.com/users/120724/posts/5077039
Day collars are those worn either for the purpose of day to day activities or to show preferred role in the community.
If you're in a committed D/s or M/s relationship with a collar that is blatantly BDSM related but say you have to go to work or the store or on a family outing, a day collar is a way to show respect for your relationship without outing yourself or your partner. It can be a simple piece of jewelry specifically worn for this purpose, for example.
Some will wear a day or as I also like to call it an availability collar to events to denote a submissive position. In this case, it is only there to show their preferred role. These will often be plain.
I'm tempted to throw in wedding bells here because that's the level of commitment that this collar possesses. In M/s these are also referred to as slave collars and are typically those lovely locked steel rings you see. In D/s relationships a commitment collar denotes a permanent or long-term bond. Many commitment collars are given during a formal ceremony, much like a wedding ceremony.
How to know which is which?
Ask! If you end up talking to someone wearing a collar and you're not sure of it's meaning just ask.
What can they be, or be made of?
Traditional; in the sense that they look like collars, materials include leather, PVC, rubber, steel, and linked chain. They may have decorations like d-rings for leashes, be locking, or have jewels or spikes. The design is and should be very personal to that relationship.
Non-traditional; doesn't look like a collar; collars can be a ring, necklace, another piece of jewelry, or may include piercing, branding, scarification, or tattoos. I strongly recommend staying away from anything that modifies your physical person until you have at least reached the commitment collar, and even then. However, I'm not a complete hypocrite as I actually have a scarred commitment collar from my old Master on my left breasts and still greatly cherish it.
The more rigid the material the more serious the relationship it typically denotes.
Why they matter
Wearing a collar can not only show others in the community who you are and what your relationship dynamic is but it should also help shift your mental state, to get or keep you in headspace. If you don't experience a shift in at least your mental state when you put on a collar then the commitment to that relationship isn't there to denote using one. Which brings us to our next point...
Why so many are starting to become upset about them.
For those of us who are part of the lifestyle and have been in any seriousness, slapping on a collar and saying it's something more than a scrap of fabric when you haven't put in any effort, any knowledge seeking, or any thought to its meaning is a huge slap in the face.
We get it, lots of people are wearing them as a fashion statement or you might be new and foolish but please think twice before you toss on a collar and form a relationship with someone after knowing them a week. Doing so is basically the equivalent of a drunken wedding to a stranger in Vegas.
A final note or two.
I’d like to thank our Executive Producers Jeremiah and Sihlus, our Senior Producers Matt, Jeremy, and xEmeraldxwolfx our Producers Kainsin, Princ3ssPuddl3s, and Heather, and our Jr. Producers K-2SO, Irish Mt. Dragon, BuffaloDom84, LxSoumis, and painwaits. If you would like to become one of our show producers go to our website, https://kuldrinskrypt.com/support to get that information.
Second, I’d like to talk BDSM contracts for their donation of their beautiful 25 page soft and hard bound M/s and D/s contracts.. http://bdsmcontracts.org coupon code: kuldrin20 for a 20% discount on all purchases.
And finally, I’d like to thank http://whippingstripes.com my personal maker of leather and paracord impact toys.
NEXT WEEK’S AGENDA
Next on The Krypt we are going to dive into who pursues whom. In the meantime go to kuldrinskrypt.com for show notes, how to subscribe information, and the link to Fetlife group so you can take part in the conversation and be eligible for giveaways. While you’re there click on support us (https://kuldrinskrypt.com/supportme) to become a http://patreon.com/kuldrinskrypt supporter.
Email: Sir@kuldrinskrypt.com / email@example.com
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