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Episode #14 Aunt Panorama's Ant-O-Rama
4 days ago
Narrator: And so it happened, several days later, that Aunt Panorama took a seat across from two worldly-looking gentlemen.
Worldly Gentleman: Yeah, this "ant circus" idea of yours sounds . . .yes, interesting. But, when can we expect to see this . . .heh, heh . . . Ant-O-Rama?
Aunt Panorama: No time like the present, eh, gentlemen?
Narrator: She whistled sharply. Immediately, there was a buzzing, sizzling sound that seemed to come from under the baseboards and, without further ceremony, the room began to fill up with ants, all carrying little bundles. One of the gentlemen gave a yell and tore all the buttons off his suit, climbing on top of his desk. But in five minutes . . they were convinced.
Different Worldly Gentleman: But . . .how is this possible?
Aunt Panorama: Oh, I give them an idea or two and they take it from there!
Narrator: And did they ever! Why, there were thousands of carpenter ants putting up little canvas bigtops! Ant aerialists, ant tumblers, ant clowns with tiny red noses, ant tight-rope walkers! Ant jugglers, juggling ten crumbs at once using two pair of arms! Ferocious Ant Lions! Fat Ants! Rubber Ants! Bright Red Fire Ants swallowing fire!
Worldly Gentleman: That's amazing! Sign here, here, here, here, and here!!
Narrator: And it wasn't long before "Aunt Panorama's Ant-O-Rama" was a household name and, as she had foreseen, their efforts were rewarded with a mountain of gold coins. They were on all the talk shows:
Shrieking Announcer: It's time for "Morning Overload"! With your host, Dick Riculous!
Dick: Folks, say hello to the one and only Aunt Panorama! . . . I can't tell you what a thrill it is to have you and all your little friends on the show with us today!
Aunt Panorama: Thank you, Dick!
Dick: I couldn't help noticing there, that you were borne in by a huge swarm of ants! Do they carry you everywhere you go, lying down like that?
Aunt Panorama: Goodness no, Dick . . . certainly not!
Dick: Well, they must by very devoted to you! Let's talk about some of your more recent extravaganzas . . . casts of hundreds of thousands of players! How about your reconstructions of historical events . . .coronations . . .sieges . . . the . . the Siege of Stalingrad in a frozen food locker! Remarkable!"
Aunt Panorama: Thank you!"
Dick: And the naval battles! And floods! And what about your Metropolitan Earthquake Series?! Incredible! All those little ants, fleeing for their little lives, clutching tiny bundles, wearing little life preservers! And that remarkably expressive make-up! Why, it must take a very steady hand and an eentsy-beentsy brush! And how long did it take them to learn to walk on their hind legs like that?"
Aunt Panorama: Well, Gordon . . . making up a million ants for one of those wartime romance and aerial bombing of the kind that are so popular these days, you know, well, let's see . . the whole city is constructed out of leaf-mould, twigs, cellophane, scraps of aluminum foil . . . Whole thing takes about a day.
Dick: Whuh! One day!? You mean . . . one day? You can’t be serious!
Aunt Panorama: Yes, of course! I know my ant friends to be enormously resourceful little devils and dear pals, as well as being a fine means of locomotion. They quickly learned to apply their own make-up and build their own sets!
Dick: What? You mean everything? The Taj Mahal?
Aunt Panorama: Yes, certainly!
Dick: Yankee Stadium in your version of "Pride of the Yankees: The Lou Gehrig Story?"
Aunt Panorama: Of course! And today we're working on a reconstruction of VE Day on Manhattan Island at the end of World War Two! Real happy stuff! Not so much like some of these catastrophes my sponsors and producers keep insisting! on! They say that nowadays nobody will settle for anything less that the Irish Potato Famine or the Titanic going down or something!
Dick: Well, be that as it may, Aunt P., most people think of ants as just a lot of little troublemakers; I'm like most people, I guess . . . I hate ants! I don't mind at all seeing 'em get blown up, or machine-gunned down, or buried under molten lava! So . . . keep up the good work!
Narrator: Later, Aunt Panorama mulled over the interviewer's remarks.
Aunt Panorama: Hmmm . . . my contract does bind us to accept subjects and themes which have been shown to appeal to the viewing public. I think it is time for a little talk. Come, Three-Pants!Read more »