Stitcher for Podcasts

Get the App Open App
Bummer! You're not a
Stitcher Premium subscriber yet.
Learn More
Start Free Trial
$4.99/Month after free trial

Episode Info

Episode Info:

Halloween is my favorite holiday for so many reasons. And one of the greatest reasons is that all hot women use it as an excuse to dress slutty.

Every girl is a slutty cat, a slutty witch, or a slutty cheerleader.

And I gotta say that I just love that.

So when the girls are putting out extra sexy vibes, with a little bit of strategy on our parts as men, we can all get laid this holiday season. Let me start with two classic mistakes (that I’ve made).

The Braveheart

When I was in college, I dressed up as William Wallace my freshman year. The costume was genius. I looked amazing. I had a blue kilt, matching Scottish gear, and all the blue facepaint.

And let me tell you that shit got all over my white shirt. I don’t know how clowns wear that crap without it getting everywhere. I know there is some technique out there, but I still don’t know how to do it.

Girls spend forever getting ready when they go out and there are about a million reasons why painting your face will keep them from touching you. Just one sneaky kiss and everyone will know you hooked up for starters. There’s no chance for any dark corner action.

So don’t paint your face. Nobody wants to bang a clown.

Too Cute

The cuter your costume the stronger your game has to be.  If you are a total legend like me, you can get away with wearing a full body Tigger costume.  If you are an even bigger legend like my buddy Ollie, you will borrow my Tigger costume and then bang a girl while you are both inside of it.

Notice the badass Tigger beard

You should always learn away from cute and towards a sexy, bad boy image this Holiday season.  If you dress up as a chipmunk, or the boy from Where The Wild Things Are, then you have to have a strong enough personality to cover up the assumption that you are a weak kid.

Too Lame

There is nothing worse than when you are wearing a costume and nobody gets it.  Don’t be the guy dressed as a “normal dude.”  And don’t be the guy dressed as something obscure that people have to ask like fifty questions to figure out that they still don’t get it.

Here is a sweet picture of me as Wolverine for Halloween in 2002 I believe.  This was before all the X-men movies.  Therefore nobody got it.  But this IS definitive proof that I was rocking a Wolverine look before I ever heard of Hypnotica.


And last but not least don’t be the one guy not wearing a costume.  That just makes you a prick.

Don’t Carry Something

If you carry it you will regret it.  And probably lose it.   This means nunchucks, swords, scepters and anything else you gotta carry in your hand.  Somewhere during the night you will probably lose it.

So there is no percentage in carrying that crap around.  It will only cause you problems.  If you have a drink in one hand and a sword in the other, what hands are you going to touch her boobs with?  I love swords but I love touching boobs more.

How to Do It Right Take a Sexy Archetype

Pick a character that already has sexy attached to it – pirate, motorcycle badboy etc.  I don’t want to tell you exactly what costume to get but you want to get one that is about 10% beyond your personality to push yourself.  You want it to be something simple that she’ll get.

Can you even tell what my costume is? The pirate got WAY more action that night.

If your costume is good, then women will approach you to comment on it.

You can also just dress like a sexy celebrity.  Think Leonardo DiCaprio or Matt Damon in any of their movies.  But again you gotta make it super clear who you are dressed up as, or you’ll run into problems.

Only wear a Half Mask

You can wear a mask on Halloween.  It adds a sense of mystery or the forbidden.  I have a half gasmask that only covers my nose and mouth.  Gotten laid wearing it.  And I love wearing my Venetian mask.

This is the very mask the night I slept with the Mouse.  I couldn’t find a picture of me wearing it, but this is a hot girl borrowing it because she loved it so much.  Please forgive the picture, I was hammered when I took it, but this chick is seriously sexy.

If you wear a full mask there is too much mystery.  There could be anything under there.  If you wear a half mask, her mind will fill in the gaps and make your more handsome.  If she can only really see your eyes and mouth, then you are in great shape.  Everyone has nice eyes.

Costume = Approach Invitation

If a girl is wearing a costume she wants you to walk up to her.  That is a FACT.  If she didn’t want people to mention her costume, she wouldn’t be wearing one.  Remember that everyone is insecure.  So you can walk up and say, “great costume” to every single woman you see next weekend.

This is why it’s crucial that you wear a costume.  If you compliment her costume and you’re not wearing one, it’s hard for her to say something back.  Plus you look like a dick.  Plus you are ruining my favorite holiday.

Wear Your Costume a Day Early and a Day Late

There is nothing better than being the only guy wearing a costume.  Every single girl will approach you.  As long as you have the confidence to back it up, you will get a bunch of free attention.  It’s like peacocking but way less obvious!

When anyone points out that you’re the only one wearing a costume just say that you love Halloween.  A strong frame turns being the odd man out into a MAJOR advantage.

When I Wear Wings I Get Laid

This one doesn’t come with a guarantee but everytime I wear Angel Wings I get laid.  As I am writing this I realize that my wings are missing.  I wonder if I left them in Europe.  I had a pair that I gave my oneitis when I was in Japan.  In fact that picture of me with the pirate is from that Halloween.  She left them behind and I kept them.

Turns out they were lucky after all!

There is something about a man wearing wings that just turns women on.  Then again I am turned on by a woman wearing wings.  The first time I wore wings was to make myself more confident like one week after learning that pickup existed – and I got laid.  It’s one of my first blog posts actually.

Unfortunately, I don’t have any solid pictures of me in those wings.  Sorry for that.

Leave a Comment Ya Bastards!

I know how many of you guys are reading these articles.  Now that it’s hundreds every day I expect some comment love.  So tell me what costume you’re gonna wear and next week tell me that ya got laid!

Read more »

Discover more stories like this.

Like Stitcher On Facebook


Episode Options

Listen Whenever

Similar Episodes

Related Episodes