Lifegiver: Marriage Pocast for Military & First Responders
About This Show
Lifegiver aims to be a positive place where military (and first responder) couples can experience positive clinical advice on topics that are unique to their culture as well as high quality uplifting interviews from others who have brought purpose out of their circumstances. Are you a military spouse? A police officer? Firefighter? Service member? The Lifegiver Podcast aims to bring hopeinto your home.
Most Recent Episode
Set Backs in Marriage
We all have hope for a marriage that lasts and is fulfilling. What we often don't expect is how hard it will be when we disagree with our spouse on important values, military marriage problems or finding ourselves moving at a different pace.
I haven't met anyone who married thinking, "Gee, I don't plan on making this last."
Setbacks can happen when we are least expecting it. An injury while training for a physical goal or a career put on hold for a relocation can be incredibly disappointing and discouraging. You may even be tempted to quit.
Most couples have at least one area of their relationship that they are hoping to improve or fix. Parenting, finances and even sex can lead to heated disagreements and (hopefully) deciding together on ways to get on the same page and work together.
Life's interruptions or an impulsive decision by one of you can make it feel as if you will never reach that goal. In that moment or setback, quitting feels like a very real option.
Sometimes, there are very minor consequences to military marriage problems or a setback that only require a deep breath, a good night's sleep, and starting again tomorrow.
But destructive choices such as too much video gaming or pornography use by one spouse can cause even bigger consequences, including feeling like this is a major rift in your ability to be a couple.
For some, the marriage is already on thin ice if you are working through serious issues such as overcoming infidelity or addiction. Destructive scenarios like these involve a more detailed process of change and support to gain traction. You may feel like the setbacks will never stop, and you will never be able to move forward.
No matter what you are dealing with as a couple, whether it's small or large, setbacks are more likely than not to happen as you work toward a new pattern of behavior for both of you.
But that doesn't mean all hope is lost. With a few tools in your pocket, you can move through them. Instead of giving up, try these three steps.
1. Hit a pause button.
Learning to develop self-control and hit a pause button when things get complicated is a great practice in general. Self-control gives you the opportunity to think through what is happening, feel any feelings that are naturally there and gain perspective.
Relocations and deployments are a natural interruption in the military lifestyle when everything feels out of order. Basic needs such as food, shelter and safety all take priority, and you might feel di