Clowns are strange creatures in their current iteration in history. While meant to illicit laughter and merriment, they took a turn for the scary somewhere around the time the great clown Pagliacci got mad at his wife. It was touch and go after that, but after Stephen King’s IT was published and the movie was released, the clown ceased to be a source of comedy and now they just fill our nightmares. Until very recently, clowns were more of a head trip scare than a real one, but there’s an epidemic of clowns roaming the streets and terrorizing people. You might ask yourself why, but in a world where an orange walrus wearing a toupee could be our next president, clowns don’t seem that absurd. Speaking of clowns, there was a story recently where a man was accused of rape, but his defense was pretty clever. It only cost him every last shred of his dignity. You see, the gentleman in question claims that he is far too fat and his penis is far too small for him to be able to rape anyone. According to his defense attorney’s expert, he could have at best penetrated about 2 inches. Seems to me that it’s still rape, but if it’s only 2 inches I guess it’s like, rape junior? No wait that’s something else, never mind. Have you ever needed to get a tow truck for your car when it breaks down? Did it seem like a pretty shady industry with a lot of potential problems and dangers? Did you enjoy sitting up front with the tow truck driver, who is always a treat to be around? We have a new story this week involving a tow truck situation gone wrong, and a glimpse into the real America can be seen. I think I can guess who some of these clowns are.